You know how your mind can work a million miles an hour in an instant as you go over the possibilities? Was it a candle? That is always my first thought. I run up to my office before realizing I currently do not have any candles burning for my family or any clients. The smell was gone so I went back downstairs realizing it’s not coming from the stove and track the smell ….

…. to the DRYER!

I quickly open it not knowing what I’ll find. Evidently, something went really WRONG with the heating element. The smell was so bad I slammed the door shut & made sure the power button was in the OFF position. That entire load of clothes is ruined.

There went my brand new David Bowie t-shirt a friend had just sent me. And it was
purple!! My favorite color!! POOF! 

My husband comes home (he got out of the hospital Friday night after a battery of tests) to tell me his car died & he had to get a jump from someone … while a massive downpour was occurring! At least he’s home even if he is soaked to the skin. This is going to be the SECOND brand new battery he puts in his car in a month. I told him last time, something is wrong with the terminals. I just “know” things because, well, I’m psychic after all. Does he EVER listen to me? NO. He’s convinced he bought a dud battery.

Then I have to tell him his favorite jeans are probably smoked. Hubby is now a most unhappy camper & decided to pull all the burned up smelling clothes OUT of the dryer & he proceeds to stink up the ENTIRE HOUSE!! My cat is very sensitive to smell. She gave out a little squeal and ran up to my office. I found her in her litter box, which has a lid so it’s like a little cave. Good thing I had just changed out all the litter last night. Having her entire face in the dog’s mouth didn’t bother her, but the stink of the burned clothes sure did.

Meanwhile, hubby is downstairs cussing up a storm over the clothes. He’s yelling, “OMG! NONE OF THIS IS SALVAGEABLE! MY JEANS! OMG!! YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO FIND A NICE FITTING PAIR OF JEANS!! SHIT!!! %@&^$!($&+@#^!!!”

I yell down, “SHUT UP! Remember your HEART!”

He quiets down & says to me, “And NO, you are NOT going to run off to Kohl’s to replace all these clothes! We can’t afford it!” I tell him I have no intention of doing that while thinking to myself, “hey dude, most of them are YOUR clothes, so I’m not too bothered over it except for my new Bowie t-shirt I shall now never get to wear.” I kind of snicker to myself.

Sometimes you just gotta laugh or you’ll cry.

My husband comes upstairs to change out of his soaked clothes glowering like you would not believe. I stay in my office & follow my cat’s lead. Too bad I couldn’t crawl into the litter box with her to avoid what was coming next.

Oh yes, it gets WORSE, my friends!!! MUCH WORSE!!!

The lawn guy is outside mowing our grass. We both have severe grass allergies to the point we can’t go in the yard for 24 hours once the grass has been cut, so we have to hire someone to take care of that bit of yard work for us.

Dave’s out there mowing. He loves doing yard work. Being a retired school teacher he says it keeps him busy. Meanwhile, I hear thunder off in the distance …

About 15 minutes later it begins to rain. I hear more thunder. I think to myself where there’s thunder, there’s lightning and Dave is out there pushing a lawnmower made of METAL!!

He never stopped. That crazy man finished our yard. I had told him earlier on the phone if it’s raining when you get to our house please come back another day because with all the thunder & lightning we’ve had lately it won’t be safe. So he knew it was okay by me for him to leave mid-job and come back another day. Instead, he risked his life to complete our yard. By the time he was nearly finished lightning was close by. There was maybe two seconds between the thunder claps and the lightning flashes. Meanwhile I’m in the house with my phone literally in my hand with the 9 & the 1 already dialed so I can hit the other 1 for the paramedics.

Luckily, Dave completed the yard without incident, but that is one crazy man!! We couldn’t afford it, but I gave him a $10 tip anyway. He was most appreciative, but I did have to scold him and I told him DO NOT work with metal lawn equipment in the middle of a storm! No one’s yard is worth your health or your life. He pretended to listen to me, but I knew it was going in one ear and straight out the other since I often see that look on my husband’s face.

I go in to deal with the nasty clothes and I’m running the ceiling fans in every room trying to get the stench to do something besides hang out in my sinuses.

Stuart goes out to the garage to get himself a frozen dinner from our chest freezer. He comes back in the house laughing hysterically with a frozen dinner in his hand as he tells me, “Nefer, you won’t believe this, but our chest freezer? I think it went out!”

WTF????????

I go out there, check it out, and yep, the darn thing not only went out, but by my best estimate it went out about 24 hours ago, at least! The food in the center up top is not only completely thawed out, it’s barely cold at all.

So!!! Now I’m telling Stuart to bring me garbage bags as I start pulling out the fish, the steak, the chicken, all the while thinking wow, an entire load of clothes have to go in the trash and now we’ve probably lost most if not all the food in our chest freezer!

I was too busy dealing with the food to even feel stunned. I went into autopilot mode.

I filled 3 full-size garbage bags full of food in various states of temperature from room temperature to barely refrigerator food temperature. THREE BAGS. Meanwhile I’m thinking, “OMG, all this money! First the clothes, then the necessary tip, & now all this food!”

I managed to salvage ONE garbage bag worth of food. ONE. The kid will be upset. She’s addicted to fudgesicles. Well, they’re all in fudgesicle heaven now, which unfortunately is not her stomach. Today’s the first day of school. She ALWAYS has a fudgie (as she calls them) when she gets home; and, my kid is a creature of habit and when the habits change for any reason, well, let’s just say it ain’t pretty.

Meanwhile, we’ll be going vegan for the week! We have plenty of frozen vegetables, but no meat! We’re on a very strict budget since my husband lost his job last October & I had just bought groceries Thursday morning. When it rains, it pours, I guess. Meanwhile, it was literally pouring outside. A regular monsoon of end-of-the-world proportions.

Then I realize it’s been storming here for a week now, what if the chest freezer didn’t go out? What if it was merely the circuit breaker into which it was plugged in? I check it, press the little button …

HUMMMMMMMMM ………………………….

The freezer kicks on!

Eureka! Something actually worked out today!!!

I manage to fit the food I was able to save into the kitchen freezer by some miracle. I’m standing there looking into the freezer with a smile on my face feeling damn proud of myself.

I then turn around to discover the dog had peed on the floor. In all the confusion neither one of us had considered she was overdue to be let out in the yard, plus she hasn’t been feeling well so we’re having to let her out more frequently than usual.

I stand there looking at the puddle of dog pee as I estimate this job is going to require at least half a roll of paper towels. I open the cabinet to get a roll out. No rolls. No paper towels!! I spin around to find only HALF a roll on the stand in the kitchen. I had to use every last paper towel to clean up the dog pee, but hey, at least that got done, then I disinfected the floor while Sheila watched me looking quite forlorn. I did not yell at the poor creature. She was so sick the past few days, but she felt guilty all the same.

When I went out to the garage to throw that mess out what do I find? A brand new package of 8 rolls of paper towels! I had forgotten they were out there, but I’m glad we have them.

All of this occurred today starting at 10:45 AM. It is now 1:40 PM. I sure hope it’s all blown over.

The house still reeks & my cat is still hiding.

Mercury retrograde shadow period, anyone???

Anyone???

I so NEED a vacation!!!!!!